Radical Recovery – Epilogue


Reflections on My Life Now

I am thankful for my ex for many reasons – mainly because of our four children and the eight grandchildren we share. His genes are part of who they are, and I love them all more than I could ever say. I am proud of the truly amazing people they have turned out to be. I know I am their mother and grandmother, but they really are amazing! We also have been blessed with incredible daughters-in-law, too.

God watched over our family in so many ways during our 33 years of marriage. Our children developed into strong, healthy, good people with talents on every side, and I appreciate every single thing my ex did to make that happen. Our children learned many valuable things from him and valuable things from me, too, through all those years. We had lots of fun, memorable, cherished times together. We still have strong, supportive extended families and wonderful friends. Many, many good things came out of our life together for 33-plus years, and I am thankful for all of them.

It’s a great blessing to have a good, primary family that lasts forever. That’s how God planned for families to be. Thats what I desperately wanted. However, as you know, that’s not always how it works out, even after our very best efforts and countless prayers. 

Regardless, I want to tell you something. God keeps working even when our marriages fall apart. God is working in my life now like never before. God is doing good things in my life every single day, and I hope the confidence that comes from him is evident to everyone I encounter. I have never felt more loved and cherished than I do right now, and I am more sure than ever before that God has a special place for me to fill in this world.

I had been dealing with my ex’s last affair for more than three years when I finally filed for divorce. I was divorced about three years when my new husband came storming into my life. I really wasn’t ready for a long-term serious relationship when we met, but he was patient – and persistent. We have been married almost 16 years. 

What I love most about him is that he wants first and foremost to be God’s person – to continually discover and do God’s will in his life. We share a spiritual bond that I never had in all my years with my first husband. We pray together, and that alone makes a huge difference. He has two great sons, two great daughters-in-law and three amazing grandchildren of his own. They have all given me an unbelievable welcome, and I’m impressed with the strong families they are building.

Not only is my husband trying to be God’s person, but he also is intelligent and well-spoken and funny. He is comfortable in his own skin, and is not continually trying to readjust himself to make sure everyone likes him. And even though he can’t sing very well (don’t tell him that!) he sings to me all the time – opera, country-western, blues, whatever. We laugh together. He is physically affectionate and has a generous heart. He also expects people to take responsibility for themselves.

Maybe I shouldn’t mention this, but our love life is better than I ever thought possible, too. I know my children would probably cringing to read this! I only tell you this because after I was first divorced, I actually wondered if I could ever even kiss another man. I couldn’t picture myself ever doing that, much less doing anything else. Boy was I wrong! My husband is more attuned to my needs and desires than I could have dreamed. I trust him, and I believe he would talk to me if he thought our relationship was not right, and we could do something about it. I can’t fathom him sneaking off in the dark with another woman. I believe he is too honorable for that.

He’s not perfect. Neither am I. We argue. He can be loud and opinionated. He can be unreasonable. He has a temper. I am hardheaded and like to make sure my side of the issue is heard. I like a fair exchange of ideas! I have a hard time with my checkbook. I lose things. I am not organized. He is a Democrat. I am a Republican. He is a Catholic. I am a non-denominational Christian. We disagree about things. But we always talk things out – face to face – even if it’s very loud talking! If something is bothering me, he makes me look him in the face, and says “Talk to me.” We talk until we work something out.

He cares about me and actually wants to know what I’m thinking. I care about him and want to hear his opinion. Even though we do not always agree, we always come to a mutually acceptable conclusion to the issue at hand. We are learning from each other, and we are stronger together than we could be on our own. I am thankful he is in my life. God is blessing us, and we are trying our best to figure out his plan for us, even though we have no idea where that will eventually take us. 

Wherever it is, I have no doubt our life will be fulfilling and fun. My own day-to-day life as a person is amazingly good, and I hope our children can be stronger because of what we have all been through together. I want their lives to be full of all kinds of joy, gladness, and just plain fun. In a nutshell that’s where my life is now.

I want you to know your life can be good, too – and not just if you get married again! God has fulfilling, joyful, rich, fun plans for you – for unique, strong, competent you. Believe that and enjoy every single day he gives you to the fullest. Discover what amazing things he wants to do with you. Just remember, with God in control, your best is truly yet to come!

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